Well, I shouldn't say freedom. 5 months of spending every waking day with the most perfect, lovely, kind baby I've ever met, 5 months before I have to return to work and go back to my old life (plus 1). And the sad part is? 6 weeks is already gone! Sometimes I stop and think, I have to make every second count, I have to make every day count, truly, and maybe I should be doing more each day? I'm lucky if I get a shower in, if I have time to change out of my sweats that haven't been washed in...days would be putting it nicely. But then I think nah, just enjoy this baby and this time, and that I am doing. A nurse in the hospital told me to really, really love your baby, and not in the way that is logical and maternal. Love your baby in a way that when he's 18, you won't look back and say I wish I had stopped to really enjoy him. So that I am doing.
I won't lie, some days I think I am living 5 months of hell. Why did I agree to take time off work to stay home and do this all day everyday? And I'll admit, some days the only answer is-- who else is going to?
As we speak he's in his pink bouncer, which one day he will kill me for putting him in (and yes, we have plenty of pictures to prove it). I'm working on this not worrying, not over-thinking things part, which is HARD. Is he eating enough? Is he sleeping too much? Is he happy? Is he cross-eyed? (yes, yesterday I wondered that. He's not, at least not yet, I think he just was annoyed at the light). Is he growing at the right rate? Is he allergic to milk? Is he blind? Is he deaf? (Of course he's not, he was checked in the hospital. But sometimes I wonder why he doesn't respond when I call his name.) Is he autistic? Does he think I'm pretty? These are the things I think about and try not to think about. But what else do you do when you spend your 5 months of freedom with a brand new little peanut?
I kind of hate the idea of blogging, I love reading them but I never thought I'd do one of my own. But there's so much I don't want to forget, and literally what else do I have to do right now (other than feed, burp, hold a baby? And try not to go nuts)?
Aug 30 is d-day (or the day I have to return to work). Until then, I get to focus on my new job-- being a mom to a little guy who's grandpa calls Little Bear. I like lists a lot, so I am going to try and do a list with every blog post. The list of the day...
My list of things needed to get you through life with a newborn:
-Alcohol. I realize this may offend many of you, but really, I don't care. You need it, and if you do not or can not have it when you have a newborn, good luck. You may in fact go crazy. If you're so inclined, get a keg. Ours currently flows wheat deliciousness.
-A husband/partner who rocks, like the one I have. I didn't change a diaper until B was maybe 6 days old? Granted I had a c-section, but I had a pretty great recovery so I definitely could have. Get one that cooks, cleans, thinks you're pretty when you aren't and doesn't mind that his old awesome life is now screwed.
-A Fisher Price rock and play sleeper. Google it. It is so much awesome I don't even know how we lived for the 3 weeks we didn't own it. Worth every cent of the $43.99 you'll pay. He hangs out in it. He sleeps in it. He craps his pants in it. He does everything except scream in it. Which makes me want to marry Fisher or Price.
-Gripe water. Our LO has this nifty trick called I won't take back the same pacifier, which I need to document for everyone who has never seen this trick performed. Let me tell you, you're in for something here. If you dip pacifier in Gripe Water, he takes it back. Happy baby. And yes I realize this is kind of like the old rum trick, which is probably how I came up with it. At least I didn't use rum, you need to give me credit for that, people.
-Nutramigen. You cost a shit load, like as much as a payment of the F150 my husband wants, but you make B happy. Which means we love you, too.
-A master swaddler. Bart could rent out his skills. Buy us a weekly supply of nutramigen, and we may consider.
-A mom and a mother in law who make you realize you're doing a good job. And who make you realize, nothing is better than a great mom.
-at least one giant tv in the house. I know that is kind of a lame addition to the list, but I love tv. And we don't leave the house 99% of the time. On many a nights when I realize my old life is GONE and I have this tiny little leach living here instead, I think, thank god tv hasn't changed. American Idol is still on, like it has been for 10 years. The Bachelor? Still a trainwreck, but still on. A girl will take consistency wherever she can get it.
-Aden and Anais everything. The softest, yummiest blankets ever. Good for swaddling, covering, cars, strollers, couches...they just make life easier.
-A swing that sways side to side and not front to back. Our B hates swinging back and forth. Our swing? Hates it unless he's already asleep and then you force him to go in it. Our rocking chair? Hates it, 99% of the time. We currently don't own a swing that goes side to side, so for now I get to be his personal swing. My back will go out in the next year, and I'll need a lifetime of chiropractor visits to fix it, but at least B will get his extra 30 mins of sleep!
Things I love about B today, on his 6 week birthday:
he's been sleeping (not on or with me) for 4+ hours. He'll wake up and look around for a bit, then go back to sleep. He makes this funny chuckle noise. He did a half smile at me earlier, sort of like Elvis. He cured my hatred of baby blue, since he couldn't be cuter in it. His favorite blanket is semi pink, and homeade (not by me). He is impossible to figure out, yet completely easy going. He stares at me constantly.
That's it for today. I'm off to resume my job as personal pacifier attendant...
